Down and back up

Well – turns out I am not failing after all!

It seems like it’s all about up’s and down’s and the fact that I still cannot get used to them. I have always enjoyed consistency in every part of my life however the more I enjoy this - the more complicated it gets.

I managed to get my voice heard by my team – picked myself back up to ensure our team does not fall apart. The ‘leadership’ training worked – not the training itself maybe but at least being away for a week changed the mood.

I travelled to London for the training which was an amazing week with a lot of time to enjoy the city, the training, meeting with new people, catching up with some I knew for a while... A lot of thinking as well... I really need to buy a camera to add the visions to my words... L

Meanwhile I really missed Tbilisi but currently it is not the city I left 1 week ago – elections coming up – a lot of demonstrations I heard. I wish peace to this beautiful city and it’s people. I hope the ‘down’ this city is facing currently will be back ‘up’ soon  - just like me...

Dilemma

I constantly find myself in a 'dilemma' in many parts of my life...

Recently it is obvious at work – I feel I just want to give up! This is one side of me at the moment...

Despite all the patience, all the effort, all the care, all the guidance – I just don’t understand the simple mistakes! All the warnings, all the checks, all the trainings seems like not working at all! Howcome? Then I think – when I was at their position – when I was an agent – if only I had a Manager who would guide me... Well I had a few to be honest that really made a difference and of course I do not see myself from a mirror but their performance is the mirror of my management and I feel I am failing...

Then there is the other side of things – I see how my team works from the heart, they are good bunch of girls and boys who have dreams – they are young! They are at the very begining of this road which is a rather steep to reach the top! Should I be more understanding, should I be more supportive...

Either case – I tend to blame myself!

I could not recognize myself at work today – constantly complaining, asking, questioning... As I said – I feel I am failing!!

I am rather ambitious at work – yes - I do not see myself at the mirror – but I hope this ambition is not in a harmful way to others... I am dedicated to success / my business is based on targets. So I really work hard to explain the targets because I think if I manage to explain why – we will manage to achieve the targets... Well currently we are failing!!

Is the above my situation? Am I used, abused, naive and have I lost my voice???

Or is it the mood that I was talking about in my post ‘excuses’ that makes me feel this way???

I am attending a leadership training next week – hope this will my mirror! I love my team, I love my job! It is soooo challenging to have to express your thoughts using a second language but not your mother tongue – How I wish I knew Georgian or if only my staff knew Turkish...

I hope Bob Marley is right – I hope every little thing will be alright... ( with a salute to Lasha! )

The question

Of course that was the question when I was offered to be posted to Tbilisi....

I had applied for a promotion which required a 2 days maraton of several phases. I had to pass group discussions, had to prepare business cases and reports, go through roleplays where I had to handle ‘challenging’ employees. At the end of the first day – we were asked to wait in our hotel rooms for a call to be either invited to the next phase which was the ‘board interview’ or to be sent back home with the first available flight. I arrived to my room at around 15:00 and the call would be after 17:00. Longest 2 hours in my life... At 17:00 I was literally sitting on my bed with the phone on my lap.

17:05 – no call

17:28 – still no call...

17:40 – as soon as the phone rang I answered

‘Dear Seda – we are pleased....’

I didn’t hear much of the rest of the voice on the other side of the line!! I also just heard ‘please check your e-mail / interview details will be sent to your address’

I had passed the first day!! I didn’t blink my eye that night. My mind was full of questions ( as always – part of being a woman I guess – questions – questions – questions!! )

What if I had failed?

What if I would fail the next day?

What if I pass and they post me to a place that we would not be happy to live in? ( I had to think of my better half of course... What if my husband would hate the idea of moving although he had supported my application? )

What if I pass???

Next morning – I was so tired but was somewhat calm. As soon as I entered the interview room – I knew I would pass. Don’t ask me how – I just knew it!

And so I did – I had wished for Tbilisi... The wish came true... 

But I still had the same question on my mind